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Monday, August 16, 2010

A Good Place To Meet Vampires: Estate Sales

Dear Fans ~

Why would vampires want to shop estate sales? (You ask.) Because old stuff is just made better than modern stuff. At least that's what all the ridiculously old codgers (ancient vampires) in my lair keep saying.

It can become rather boring living with a clan of really old vampires and listening to them talk. That's  because they like to speak long about history and the 'good old days.' (Talk about rolling my eyes for the monotony!)

Vintage Metal Ice-cube Tray
CASE IN POINT: in our freezer here at the Mercer Island (aka: East Seattle) mansion we keep the old fashioned metal ice cube trays. (We do entertain people on occasion and keep amenities like refrigerators for serving our guests, after all). 

We don't have any modern plastic devices anywhere. With the old metal trays (see picture) you just pull that metal arm up and all the ice cubes pop out of the tray at once (in perfect little uniform shapes). The old vampires hate the new plastic trays where the cubes are difficult to remove, and the cubes often crumble when getting them out. The old vampires say all the new products that society has to offer today are just pathetically inferior to historic ones.

"In the old days, you could go to a public bathroom, approach a sink and turn on a faucet. The sink would actually work. Now? With electronic sensors, you've got to stand there waving your arms around in the air like some crazy banshee just praying the faucet will recognize the mass of your body and actually turn on."

If you're a vampire, getting a motion detector to work is a bit more difficult than when you're human. Our bodies are actually lighter in mass and motion detectors often don't know we're even there. That's good if we want to sneak up on someone inside their house. Meanwhile, we're thankful our resurrected bodies utilize blood effectively and we don't need to use modern toilets (with their faulty sensor devices).

When I downloaded Windows 7  (upgraded from a 34 bit capacity to a 64 bit system on my laptop) it took two days working with Microsoft's technical support just to get my computer's speaker system to work again. During that time I could not get the ancients to stop lecturing me: "In the old days, when you bought a typewriter it actually worked. You didn't have to waste time fixing the equipment.  There wasn't anything electronic to spend days fussing over. You just punched a letter-key. A metal arm with a letter-pad swung to hit a ribbon filled with ink. When that ribbon struck the paper, the letter showed up like magic. Everything worked back then; much better than these modern contraptions you young vampires keep bringing into the lair."

I have so many more "old stories" I could share with you but I'm so hungry right now. I need to go hunt down some breakfast.

~ Later



Famous Vampire Quotation

Famous Vampire Quotation